Requeim........

In the passage of time one seldom discovers moments that stand out in memeory as defining moments in this journey of life. It is a fortunate occasion when one does realize one of these precious moments. One such moment occurred for me this week, and with it came the demise of something I have held dear for most of my life.

The other day I was at a meeting and this guy said something that struck me so hard that I have been rocked by the reality of it. He said, "If we had the same view of ourselves as God does, we would have forgiven ourselves long ago." Our vision is so impaired that we can't see the forest through the trees at times. But there is that occasional glimmer of reality that drives us ever onward in our quest to discover our true selves.

I can't see the person I am with God-given clarity; I wish that I could! Perhaps I would give myself a break. One thing I was able to see upon reflection was the death of a persona that has haunted me all of my life....the," You ain't shit so don't even try,you worthless piece of shit" persona that has been my cross to bear as long as I can remember.

The sudden realization that I AM on the road to recovery was so refreshing it brought tears to my eyes. I can't begin to tell you how big a........relief it is to see this dark persona take his final bow. For, I have been my own worst critic, and have succombed to the belief that we are the sum of our experience. But this view is so limited in scope to be almost laughable. Yet it is nothing to laugh at. Because this recovery is serious business, and I am intent on staying in recovery. Too bad we will never actually be recovered.....but we can stay in recovery, and that my friends is the essence of hope.

Sorry, folks, for the lapse in posts....I've had a hell of a time catching up on school work. But, thankfully my new computer finally got here, and I'm nearly caught up, so I can get back to writing; which I find I really enjoy. huh, who knew?

I taught myself how to do pictures yesterday, thus the pic of me. Technology continually astounds me....keep in mind, that until November, I had never even used a computer, nor seen the internet. Reminds me of the old Virginia Slims commercial: "You've come a long way, baby!!" Well, I'm off to see my friends and family at R2R, so I'll write more later. Till next time......

Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but rather we have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.

My life is a damned Country Song......

FINALLY!!!! I'm back online after a short, but very painful interlude. My Dill crashed and burned on me on Saturday. Luckily, I had a computer ordered for the past month! Anyways, After much cajoling, begging, threatening, begging and cajoling, I finally recieved my new system last night....at about 2 AM. The guy delivered it from Ann Arbor. He got lost like three times on the way here, and what originally should have taken two to three hours took him about TEN!! He left A2 at 4:30.
So, to make a long story short, I have had NO sleep since Monday and am feeling a bit squirrely. But Soon I wil sleep, as soon as I get out of class. Things are so awry in my life right now, I have trouble gaining my equilibrium sometimes........ Gotta go to class folks. Till next time........

Humility is the ability to see clearly without rose colored glasses...

Prom Night Reflections....

The prom has come and gone and all we are left with are vivid memories of a night that had its laughter (Will's dancing: hilarious!!), its poignancy, and its promise. For the most part, I must admit that I had a good time. What a shock. The food was excellent! We had two speakers for the price of one. They weren't my friend Lizzie, but hey, who is? :) Seriously though, They spoke upon the spiritual principles in NA, and how they apply to us. Very enlightening comments from them both. When Paul spoke on intimacy and freedom, I wondered for a brief moment if he had been reading my blog!! Because he spoke directly to me.
After the speaker meeting, the dance got going. Not a whole lot of dancing though. Ok, I admit, I chickened out of that portion of the evening. Oh, I stuck around. But I didn't dance. Hey, baby steps!
The ladies looked absolutely incredible. Lizzie could have stopped traffic at rush hour with that sexy black dress and red hair! Christine looked like a princess in the beautiful white dress she wore. All I can say is WOW. You go girls!!!
The evening was made a lot easier for me because one very special woman allowed me the priveledge of hanging out with her most of the evening. Though I am dissappointed in my limited conversation skills, I did enjoy her company immensely, and meeting her daughter was also a joy! She was SO cute in that dress! And you, Michelle, looked drop dead gorgeous!!
You know, I've been thinking tonight how it is so easy to pigeon hole someone based upon looks or pre-conceived ideas or misunderstandings. I've been guilty of doing this myself. I'll see someone and right away place them in a category. Not always, but it happens occasionally. I have been reminded this past week through getting to see beyond the perception through these blogs, and theirs; and from listening to them, that to do this is cheating yourself out of what could possibly be a great friendship. This one person in particular is owed an apology, and that I will give in person.
Over all, Prom night has to qualify as a success. Maybe that monster got rocked back on his heels a little tonight. One can hope....after that's what this life is all about....experience, strength and HOPE. Till next time...... and thanks for the memories!