Autism Awareness Month

Today marks the beginning of Autism Awareness Month. A friend of mine has a son with autism, and listening to her speak about her struggles (and his) got me to question just what is autism? Most of us think "Rainman", don't we? Actually, Rainman was a unique case. As are ALL autistic people. What I have learned through my reading is that the symptoms of autism vary widely. In fact the disease affects no two people in the same way. The following is borrowed from the Autism Society of America:

Autism is one of five disorders that falls under the umbrella of Pervasive Developmental Disorders (PDD), a category of neurological disorders characterized by “severe and pervasive impairment in several areas of development.” The five disorders under PDD are: Autistic Disorder Asperger's Disorder Childhood Disintegrative Disorder (CDD) Rett's Disorder PDD-Not Otherwise Specified (PDD-NOS) Each of these disorders has specific diagnostic criteria which been outlined in the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR). Prevalence of Autism Autism is the most common of the Pervasive Developmental Disorders, affecting an estimated 1 in 166 births (Centers for Disease Control Prevention, 2004). Roughly translated, this means as many as 1.5 million Americans today are believed to have some form of autism. And this number is on the rise. Based on statistics from the U.S. Department of Education and other governmental agencies, autism is growing at a startling rate of 10-17 percent per year. At this rate, the ASA estimates that the prevalence of autism could reach 4 million Americans in the next decade. Autism knows no racial, ethnic, social boundaries, family income, lifestyle, or educational levels and can affect any family, and any child. And although the overall incidence of autism is consistent around the globe, it is four times more prevalent in boys than in girls. When I was younger, I used to volunteer at this home for the disabled. One of the guys there had autism, and I used to spend quite a bit of time with him. Jimmy had his own little world. And it took many months before he would recognize me when I came (or show recognition, rather). The staff taught me to just be there, to talk to him and to be interested in whatever he was doing. He had no family, they dumped him off at that place. Which I have found to be quite...Coldly convenient for the family. The interesting thing about my time with Jimmy is that he taught me more than I could ever hope to teach him. Through the intervening years, I've never forgotten that first smile of recognition when I walked into his sparse room. And though admittedly, my compassionate nature was trashed by my drug usage for a long time, I find that I am able to feel that compassion I felt for Jimmy those many years ago. He taught me that life IS a gift, and that the mind is such an amazing instrument of God's creative power, even the mind affected by such a disease as Autism. Unfortunately, I haven't had the privilege of meeting my friend's son yet, though I would love to. But I believe that he and I would hit it off...Sooner or later. But I digress...... You know, becoming aware is great, but this awareness leads me to ask the question, " What do I do with this awareness?" There are thousands of causes out there, and most of them worthy. So how do you choose? Do you send money? Pray? Give time? Volunteer? The answer for me is to personalize my involvement. What I mean is that for me to give to a "cause" just doesn't feel right. If I take up a cause and support it, then I am going to get my hands dirty, so to speak. For me that means personal contact. So, if my friend needs help cleaning the house, or mowing the yard, or whatever, I'll help her. NOT because she's a "cause". Do not mistake what I am saying. But because I care for her, I will do whatever I can to help make her life easier. And if I get the chance to meet her son, I will endeavor to get to know him, and to learn from him (you would be amazed what you can learn from listening and observing!). I hope you will get involved today. For those of us who are in recovery, volunteering or just pitching in to help is a great way to give back a little of what we took for so long. I believe it's all a process of redemption. And redemption is, after all, a product of grace. Till next time..... When you begin to touch your heart or let your heart be touched, you begin to discover that it's bottomless, that it doesn't have any resolution, that this heart is huge, vast, and limitless. You begin to discover how much warmth and gentleness is there, as well as how much space. Pema Chodron

Morning Has Broken..........

"A mythical bird that never dies, the phoenix flies far ahead to the front, always scanning the landscape and distant space. It represents our capacity for vision, for collecting sensory information about our environment and the events unfolding within it. The phoenix, with its great beauty, creates intense excitement and deathless inspiration." - The Feng Shui Handbook, feng shui Master Lam Kam Chuen

As a recovering addict and man who has loosed his chains, I am continually awash in the hope that springs from the well of promise. And as this creature of myth seeks the horizons, I look forward to the tomorrows and envision a life of freedom and sobriety. It is this hope that first started me on my present journey several years ago. And today, as I review the past few months, I find myself to be a grateful man who is blessed beyond comprehension for the one thing that for many years he thought was unobtainable: HOPE.

As the phoenix refuses to accept his death, I refuse to accept that my present and my future must be ruled by my past. The hope that wells inside me is born of desire to break those chains that bound my mind and my soul for so many years. And it is this hope that causes me to anticipate each day with unfathomable excitement and deathless inspiration! Even in the daily crap of life I find this joy. I'm glad to have the privilege of experiencing this crap!! No, I'm not a masochist, but I am mindful of the journey traveled thus far. And this keeps me hopeful.

The things I desire to do; the life I desire to create for myself; and the other things that make up the fabric of life will all come. I am an impatient man and I want my cake NOW. But I am willing to wait and to work for it. For now it is enough to have the hope of tomorrow, and the dream of today. Till next time.....

God.....
Grant me the serenity....
To accept the things I cannot change...........
To change the things I can.........
And the wisdom to know the difference.
JUST FOR TODAY

Good morning Monday.....

You know, it is early in the morning here, and I was sitting here thinking about purpose. The reason I'm thinking on this is because I have a paper coming up that has to do with our professional purpose, and how we define ourselves in the business world. It got me to thinking about my life's purpose in general. Heady stuff for four AM, but that's me: insomniac extraordinare!

How does one go about defining his or her purpose in life? Through faith in God? Or is it based upon career and family choices? I think we must each find our passion. What moves you? What is it that gets your blood running hot? Is it art? or your children? Maybe it is service. or career. I think it can be a combination. I would hate to have my life defined by one aspect of it. Why put myself in a box?

Well, I am starting Step 4, and these are some of the questions I'm asking myself along the way. I've done a personal inventory, but want to do so again to see where I am and to get a focus on my life's direction.

On a lighter note, I've included a link to one of my favorite joke sites.....everyone needs a good laugh once in a while! I'm still figuring out this whole web page thing, so bear with me when I try to add content and it comes out all weirded out.

Lizzie, I hope to se you guys this week.....missed you saturday.....had to work. Todd, where's the newest posts? huh? Get on your job, man!! You too lizzie, blogger queen... :) And where's the link to your other blog? What? I can't visit anymore? Ok I'm done. have a great day everyone.....I've got to TRY to sleep. Till next time.....

How do I change? If I feel depressed I will sing. If I feel sad I will laugh. If I feel ill I will double my labour. If I feel fear I will plunge ahead. If I feel inferior I will wear new garments. If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice. If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come. If I feel incompetent I will think of past success. If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals. Today I will be the master of my emotions.

Frustrations and Remonstrances...........

You know, I keep telling myself, "All is well, you're doing great!" So tell me, why do I feel like banging my head against the wall? Well, since I'm practicing rigorous honesty (which gets a bit difficult at times) and this blog is my avenue toward that end, here I go putting my foot deeply into my mouth once again. (open mouth, insert foot)

Have you ever had a desire or need that you know damn well will never be fulfilled? It really sucks doesn't it? And I ask myself, " how can you do this to yourself?" Good question! Hell, I don't know. I guess I'm just a damned fool.

I'm kind of beating around the bush, but be patient, I'll get there. At a meeting recently, we had a very candid discussion about humility. Humility , it is said, is the ability to see yourself clearly, and to accept who are. Maybe I can't see too clearly. Because I am SO frustrated right now, it hurts. And I don't have a clue what to do about it.

All this is about a woman, folks. Yeah, Randy done let himself fall for a woman he has virtually no chance with. She shall remain nameless, although she will probably figure it out; she is, after all, Very smart. As I have gotten to know her (though not nearly as much as I would love to), I've found her to be everything I adore in a woman....funny, stylish, tough, vulnerable, sexy (VERY sexy!!), gorgeous, artistic, reliant, honest, a great mother, ....God broke the mold when He created her.

I aughta delete this entire piece right now. But I'm a fool, I guess so I'll keep going. Look, I know that in recovery, it is best to avoid relationships for awhile. I know, too, that my chances of having a relationship with this woman are virtually nil, because she is way out of my league. And add to this the fact that when I'm around her, I get the freeze--tongue tied and feeling like a little school kid! So, what do I do? I adore from a distance, in my so-called safe zone. Though I think the zone has booted me out into the cold, because I don't think it's working for me in this case. I can't shut off the feelings and I can't stop myself from the way I feel. That's where the frustration kicks in.

So, I sit here and beat myself up over it...the remonstrances. The one thought that keeps returning is, "You are not good enough for her." I know that's the evil Randy trying to kick my ass, but damn, it's working.

Then there is this tiny little voice amid all the clutter that is my brain that keeps softly saying, " Don't sell yourself short!" God, how I would love to give this voice full volume. It's there, but it only whispers. But it is in those whispers that I find what I need most.....hope. Yes, I hope. I dream. I want. I need. I love. I lose. I cry. I yet I hope. And it is this hope: the hope that I am not as bad as my evil mind would like me to believe; that I could have a relationship with this beautiful creature; that I will make something of my life. These are the things that keep me continually striving to better myself; to endure the pains of loneliness, to seek restoration of my SELF. For it is in this whispered voice of hope that I can hear with clarity the bugle call of true freedom. No, my past will never die. It is my past. But I don;t have to allow it to continue it's domination over me. I can hope. And dream.

till next time........


keep hope alive