Social (Re)development...........

I was sitting here unable to sleep (again), and got to thinking about the social development of people and what causes us to develop into social animals? What got me to thinking about this somewhat esoteric subject is my own progress socially over the past few months--or lack thereof.

I am finding that social interaction is a key component to living in society. And I for one NEVER was social during my active addiction. In fact, I was for many years a anti-social person. I avoided social interaction like the plague. Why? Part of it was because I was self-conscious. Part because I didn't want to interact...I was comfortable in my aloneness. And part was due to prolonged social deprivation (solitary confinement).

So what is changing? Because I've gotta tell you, I am beginning to crave social interaction now. I am so tired of alone that it almost hurts. I find I am interested in people; their stories, their views, their knowledge. I want to get to know people, to develop relationships, to be social. And this, maybe more than any other factor, is a barometer of my healing.

What is changing? I am becoming a member of the human race !! It is a wonderful realization to see that you have actually climbed out of that self-imposed gutter to stand tall in the daylight of freedom. I'm not speaking solely of my physical freedom, though admittedly I am really enjoying it! I am speaking of my emotional and mental freedom, from chains I didn't even realize were there.

What really got me to thinking about all this is the fact that for the last few days, I haven't had any social contact outside of work. I just got moved to second shift, and am trying to get used to it. But my sleeping habits are all messed up now. And I'm still trying to get used to it. So, I haven't been too social lately.

And I've been miserable because of it. Being social online just isn't a su bstitute for real live interaction. I miss my friends, and I miss those who are rapidly becoming friends.

Ok OK ...I'm meaundering, I know. Hey, life is a constant learning curve for me. I am learning to appreciate even the down moments, like this week. I don't enjoy it but I do appreciate it. Because it is moments like these that I see clearly my growth and development.

I am............. 'nuff said.


Well, I HAVE to get some sleep. So I'll close this little piece with this final thought:

It is in the window of the moment that one can often experience the masterpiece of the ages.

Till next time...........


P.S.: Todd, your site is truly an eye-opener... I've been enjoying it immensely! Though I think I'm worth more than a measely 1.6 mil. And Michelle, like I said your blogging will be sorely missed...don't stay away too long, huh? Lizzie, stay true, it will all work itself out.

beauty....

Once in awhile you come across something that takes your breath away. And when these precious moments come, we should cherish them, don't you think? Especially those of us who have seen so much of the dark side of life. So my question for all of you today is, WHAT DO YOU CHERISH? What do you find beautiful? is there something that gets your blood running hot when you view it?

For me beauty is so many things. The artistry of a concert pianist; the paintings of a Chicago artist (thanks, Todd, for turning me on to her!!); a star filled evening sky; the smile on a child's face because you played catch with him; the smile of a blue-eyed angel; the smell of Spring; the wash of sunlight across the face; the rippling of a pond; the opening of the prison gates; the architecture of a well-designed home; and on it goes......

My reason for meaundering like this is because I was contemplating today on my life, and realized that in the midst of change and turmoil I have been blessed to see beauty all around, and didn't appreciate it. We get so caught up in the seriousness of life that we forget there is beauty and peace and harmony. All we know is cacophony. Perhaps it is time on this first day of Spring to endeavor to appreciate the beauty that is all around us. Maybe in doing so, we will see the forest through the trees. And maybe, just maybe we will take a step towards healing our wounded psyches.

I'm not a pychologist or preacher or anything like that. I'm just a guy who realizes that a big part of me has been missing, and I wish to discover it. Beauty has been a stranger here, but no longer......My eyes are opened and I am wondrously exploring this thing called LIFE!! It's a hell of a journey!! till next time.........


It is in the storms of our lives that we can often find the oasis of beauty.......we just have to look outside ourselves!