I was sitting here unable to sleep (again), and got to thinking about the social development of people and what causes us to develop into social animals? What got me to thinking about this somewhat esoteric subject is my own progress socially over the past few months--or lack thereof.
I am finding that social interaction is a key component to living in society. And I for one NEVER was social during my active addiction. In fact, I was for many years a anti-social person. I avoided social interaction like the plague. Why? Part of it was because I was self-conscious. Part because I didn't want to interact...I was comfortable in my aloneness. And part was due to prolonged social deprivation (solitary confinement).
So what is changing? Because I've gotta tell you, I am beginning to crave social interaction now. I am so tired of alone that it almost hurts. I find I am interested in people; their stories, their views, their knowledge. I want to get to know people, to develop relationships, to be social. And this, maybe more than any other factor, is a barometer of my healing.
What is changing? I am becoming a member of the human race !! It is a wonderful realization to see that you have actually climbed out of that self-imposed gutter to stand tall in the daylight of freedom. I'm not speaking solely of my physical freedom, though admittedly I am really enjoying it! I am speaking of my emotional and mental freedom, from chains I didn't even realize were there.
What really got me to thinking about all this is the fact that for the last few days, I haven't had any social contact outside of work. I just got moved to second shift, and am trying to get used to it. But my sleeping habits are all messed up now. And I'm still trying to get used to it. So, I haven't been too social lately.
And I've been miserable because of it. Being social online just isn't a su bstitute for real live interaction. I miss my friends, and I miss those who are rapidly becoming friends.
Ok OK ...I'm meaundering, I know. Hey, life is a constant learning curve for me. I am learning to appreciate even the down moments, like this week. I don't enjoy it but I do appreciate it. Because it is moments like these that I see clearly my growth and development.
I am............. 'nuff said.
Well, I HAVE to get some sleep. So I'll close this little piece with this final thought:
It is in the window of the moment that one can often experience the masterpiece of the ages.
Till next time...........
P.S.: Todd, your site is truly an eye-opener... I've been enjoying it immensely! Though I think I'm worth more than a measely 1.6 mil. And Michelle, like I said your blogging will be sorely missed...don't stay away too long, huh? Lizzie, stay true, it will all work itself out.
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Randy, your thinking is so blatently healthy. You give me insight towards my own daily interations and motivations. Its just so much more better to jump out there for the sake of getting to know people better, which allows one to understand oneself in the process.
I went to an event at Yves Saint Laurent last nite that could have been intimidating. It was "social" to the extreme, but I was truely interested in the people, and for once not focused on how I looked or spoke and where my next drink came from. It was just so refreshing to be a part of life - - clean and sober.
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