Life Lessons....

Today, I found out I was the cause of hurting a friend of mine, inadvertently. Something I did caused this friend some embarrassment. Well, when I found about it, I was mortified to think I did this. Because believe me, the last thing I would EVER do is hurt this person. So, I've been chewing on this turn of events all day. What can I do to make it up to this individual? I can't take their embarrassment away. I can't stop the information from leaking out. I can't undo the damage.

A second friend has started using again. He was clean for awhile, but now is in jail for domestic violence. I love this guy like a brother. And it is real difficult for me to let go, I'm finding. But let go, I must.

To top off this wonderful day, I had a conversation with a young woman whom I know tonight. She poured her heart out to me, and there was a lot to pour. We cried together, and we laughed together. I didn't offer too much advice, because frankly, that is not what this was about. She just needed to have someone listen. And to me, that is the crux of friendship. To be there when the other is hurting, to share their pain, this is empathy. I don't pat myself on the back for this. But it does bring to mind the changes I see in myself. And it teaches me that life is a continual lesson.

Lesson #1: inadvertently or not, I was responsible for my friend being hurt. And though I can't undo this, what I can do is to humbly apologize, and, (however ineffectually) to try to make it up to this person. Because I realize that whether it is purposeful or not, it is still my responsibility. It would be so easy to say, " screw it, what's done is done". But I found today, that it would not actually be that easy for me, because I am not that type of person anymore. I can only hope this very special friend will forgive me.

Lesson #2: I can't force my sobriety on anyone. I can't make my friend get the help he needs. I can't control the situation. And as a true friend, I must let go. The toughest love is that which hurts most to give. So, you are on your own my friend. I'll be here if you get clean, and will do everything I can for you. But until then, I've got to say goodbye. Because as a recovering addict, I have to. And as a friend, I must.

Lesson #3: Friendships come in so many shades and dimensions. I've shared with you three tonight. It amazes me how varied each relationship is. And it also encourages me that I am learning these dimensions. For I was once a very self-centered and anti-social person.

So the fact that my heart breaks for the woman abused; and I take responsibility for my error; and that I can say goodbye to a friend, all show me in different ways that I am not the man I was. Neither am I the man I purpose to be. But today's events, and my responses to them, show me that I am well on my way. In the final analysis though, today wasn't about me at all. It was just about three people who needed a friend. Till next time.....

What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies. ~Aristotle~